Today marked practice number six. Yes, I am practicing Yoga at home (to save money and the occasional embarrassment of farting mid Downward Dog), but today I ventured out to a local studio. A big thanks to my Lululemon Athletica Burlington Mall for the treat of a free Yoga class. It’s been a very long time since I attended a real class with other live bodies. The class was a nice treat, but I encountered one major problem.
Comparing myself to other Yogi’s. It’s tough. I know that I’m not that advanced and I can’t bend myself into pretzel like poses, but I compare. It’s not that I’m trying to “out do” the person next to me, but I do like the challenge of nailing an advanced pose. Whenever there’s an opportunity for a little twisting, etc… I always look around to see who’s doing what naturally. I look. To stop looking at others, I decided to wave my hand to the instructor and ask for guidance for one of the more challenging poses: Wheel. Of course, I explained that I never tried the pose before, but I wanted to try it anyhow. I did try and of course, everyone was looking at me which made me feel awkward. And then… I couldn’t even get myself off the ground. I felt like a failure.
But Yoga isn’t about failure. It’s about reconnecting yourself with your practice. Of course I’m going to struggle here and there. I get pretty impressed with myself when I was able to stretch more into Bow the second time around. It’s going to take time, but part of me thinks that because I’ve been practicing Yoga since college, I should “get” it by now.
What are your thoughts on self competition in a fitness class?
Last January at my local Yoga studio, my awesome Yoga teacher who I haven’t seen since the Summer, created a Yoga challenge. The challenge was to take thirty Yoga classes in thirty days or to take five classes a week over a period of eight weeks. Of course I wanted to try it myself, but I was in a very different mindset then as to what I am now. I think I lasted a week on on the challenge, but stopped because life got in the way and I couldn’t regain my focus.
The Yoga Remix Challenge
Starting: Thursday, February 10 2011 // Ending: Thursday, March 10 2011
What: 30 Yoga sessions/classes in 30 Days
Where: Anytown, USA (and beyond) at your home or take classes locally
How: Log your workouts on dailymile
Why: Follow fellow challengers on dailymile and our challenge group too
C’mon… what do you have to loose? Let’s go.
Over the weekend, decided to rearrange some things and organize my room. The Yoga mat was tucked away, living in a corner of the room. I almost forgot I had a Yoga mat to begin with. I thought “if I move it into plain sight, maybe that will motivate me to use it more”. Therefore, I decided to move it right next to my foam roller. It’s important that I mention the placement of this is crucial. It’s new home is right next to my nightstand, across from my bed. Everytime I crawl into bed, I see it. To make everything simple, my YogiToes mat is rolled with my mat.
Why not make it simpler?
Also, I decided to put aside a simple Yoga outfit on the closet door. Both are Lululemon Not So Deep V Bra and Wunder Under Crop. So far, the perfect pair switch has been quite successful. Since then, I have practiced Yoga a total of three times and used my foam roller too. If I didn’t move the Yoga mat and it’s Power Yoga for Happiness 2 companion, I may not have used both otherwise.
Make a simple switch and get ready for a whole new beginning!
Because of my overly ambitious wants, I’m now fighting a viral infection. Over the past few days, I’ve been doing my best to create balance and peace in areas of my life that are off center, especially my diet.
Creating balance where there isn’t any, starts with breakfast.
Sometimes the little things make me happy. The other day at Stop & Shop, I picked up a bag of white cheddar rice cakes. I try and save money where I can, but I was so disappointed in the store brand. No offense, but Quaker is where it’s at. The store brand wasn’t as “cheesy” as Quaker, and tasted stale. My white cheddar rice cakes were a fair snack, but I wish I “splurged” on the other brand.
After hours of feeling beyond crappy, I left work early to rest and load up on over the counter cold medication, which truthfully does nothing for me since it’s a viral infection. Moving on, but continuing on with the cheap eats, I had ramen noodles and Kellog Cracker Chips for lunch. Truthfully, these are a Popchips wannabe. They’re OK but I wasn’t too into the ramen noodles. It was a quick bite so I could crawl back into bed after lunch.
Dinner was delicious! Veggie wraps from a local eatery.
To keep everything balanced, I added a string cheese (extra protein) and sliced strawberries. When i do plan my meals, do follow a meal plan created by my Dietician. I’m terrible at times for sticking to my guidelines and caloric intake (as in I don’t eat enough!), but I’m really doing my best to focus on myself and getting back to basics. Whatever works, do it so you can succeed.
Healthy eating isn’t a diet, it’s a lifestyle choice.
I’ve been out of treatment (totally out, and some random therapy sessions here and there – and I think she thinks I fired her again) for about three and a half years. At the time of my last relationship, I was pursuing outpatient treatment at MEDA. It was a period of my life that I desperately needed to achieve permanent change. It wasn’t about living for tomorrow, it was about living for the minute. It may not sound good, but sometimes focusing on the minute, staying in the present, can help me forget the other things running in and out of my head.
If I could survive a minute without disordered thinking, I’ve succeeded. Whenever I reflect upon my treatment and recovery as a whole, I’m reminded of my own success. Sure, I couldn’t of done it without the help of my friends and family. I laughed, I cried, and I was able for the first time to say “I feel pretty” one morning during check in at treatment. Many months later, I still struggle to stay this sentence outloud. I said it last night to myself while watching a show on the Oprah network, and tears began to trickle down my face.
I’m all about acceptance. Or trying to get there as close as possible. Sometimes that smile is just the write off of “I’m happy, don’t ask questions”. I still become overly defensive when someone asks what I ate. When I think about acceptance, it’s also about realizing when I’ve messed up. On the same fence, only I am responsible for my actions. You need to have positive role models around you to support and pick you up when you’re feeling down.
It’s a one day at a time process. I must say, I’m a huge Operation Beautiful fan. I sometimes want to leave love notes for myself. I’ve never been a fan of affirmations because they’ve always felt so fake. But I find reading the notes of others has a bigger impact. I am pro-recovery. Recovery is possible. Sure, it’s not easy to abolish negative thinking, but sometimes you come across an upsetting upsetting thought about your size equals happiness.
The purpose of the blog is to grow, love and accept myself through adventures of healthy living as a whole. The process isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. Sometimes I focus on living in the moment. To be more present. I abolish the use of fat talk. I don’t do it. It’s not healthy and I try and look deep into myself to identiy what I’m feeling vs the size I feel.
Instead of trying to change what we can’t, let’s focus on what we can.
I am honestly offended. I am offended at a close minded thought that the size you are equals your beauty. I’m sorry, but skin and bones are never sexy. Yes, for a period of time… I was trying to reach someone else’s own ideals of what was beautiful. There are so many negative influences from the media, that I honestly try to stay away from. Every magazine photo of a model is Photoshopped. It’s not even real. Nothing about it is real, and everything is fake. All those clothes they’re wearing? They are pinned and tucked to show off their willowy shape. If not, I bet the clothing would look like a potato sack. I’d rather look at a potato sack than skin and bones on a model on any given day.
But the influences will kill you. Eat less. Exercise more. Restrict your calories. Skinny is beautiful. The thinner, the better. Once you are addicted to negative thinking, it’s like a drug. You crave it the more you see it. Your impact of negative thinking, your impact on your body – you may not see it right then and there, but the affect is long term. I know that if I didn’t change the way I was thinking, the way I was fueling my own body, that I was going to die. Death is not pretty. I am honestly so bothered that the idea that a size zero is beautiful but a size six is considered fat.
I am not fat. I am a woman. I have curves. I like myself the way it is. You can not try and convince me for a second that if I want someone to love me, that I need to change the way I am. If I’m not blonde, change it. If I’m not thin enough, loose twenty pounds. If I’m still not thin enough, loose another ten. You can’t tell me for a second that this will make me happy. It won’t. It will only fuel the addiction of trying to fit into someone else’s ideals of what is considered beautiful.
I remember when I wrote The Girl, the dubbed “about me” page, which was more of a backstory of who I am and why this blog was created. It serves a purpose, a healthy purpose. There is something very important that I feel it’s utterly important to reflect upon. And as for the person who started this whole “weight = happiness” controversy, it’s about time you get your head checked honey, because the way you’re headed is only into an early grave.
Instead of trying to cover up our imperfections and flaws, why not let your inner sexy shine? Everyone has their imperfections. It’s about time we celebrate our own differences instead of trying to copycat ourselves to what is considered beautiful and trendy by someone else’s standards. What makes you unique is yourself, and don’t ever let someone else’s standards determine your own inner happiness.