Addicted.

28 Jan
I get it. I get that sometimes it’s really hard to stop the behavior. That sometimes, even though you know you shouldn’t do it, you still do. That sometimes, even though you’re doing so well, you can’t expect your recovery to perfect. Because thinking it will be perfect is a lie, and you’re only setting yourself up for failure. The best way to look at it, is to tell yourself “one step at a time, one foot in front of the other”. I always told myself, “there’s no going back” and it’s true, there’s no going back.

I am honestly offended. I am offended at a close minded thought that the size you are equals your beauty. I’m sorry, but skin and bones are never sexy. Yes, for a period of time… I was trying to reach someone else’s own ideals of what was beautiful. There are so many negative influences from the media, that I honestly try to stay away from. Every magazine photo of a model is Photoshopped. It’s not even real. Nothing about it is real, and everything is fake. All those clothes they’re wearing? They are pinned and tucked to show off their willowy shape. If not, I bet the clothing would look like a potato sack. I’d rather look at a potato sack than skin and bones on a model on any given day.

But the influences will kill you. Eat less. Exercise more. Restrict your calories. Skinny is beautiful. The thinner, the better. Once you are addicted to negative thinking, it’s like a drug. You crave it the more you see it. Your impact of negative thinking, your impact on your body – you may not see it right then and there, but the affect is long term. I know that if I didn’t change the way I was thinking, the way I was fueling my own body, that I was going to die. Death is not pretty. I am honestly so bothered that the idea that a size zero is beautiful but a size six is considered fat.

I am not fat. I am a woman. I have curves. I like myself the way it is. You can not try and convince me for a second that if I want someone to love me, that I need to change the way I am. If I’m not blonde, change it. If I’m not thin enough, loose twenty pounds. If I’m still not thin enough, loose another ten. You can’t tell me for a second that this will make me happy. It won’t. It will only fuel the addiction of trying to fit into someone else’s ideals of what is considered beautiful.

I remember when I wrote The Girl, the dubbed “about me” page, which was more of a backstory of who I am and why this blog was created. It serves a purpose, a healthy purpose. There is something very important that I feel it’s utterly important to reflect upon. And as for the person who started this whole “weight = happiness” controversy, it’s about time you get your head checked honey, because the way you’re headed is only into an early grave.

Instead of trying to cover up our imperfections and flaws, why not let your inner sexy shine? Everyone has their imperfections. It’s about time we celebrate our own differences instead of trying to copycat ourselves to what is considered beautiful and trendy by someone else’s standards. What makes you unique is yourself, and don’t ever let someone else’s standards determine your own inner happiness.

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